


You Don't Realize When You're Alive

by Jo_busch_got_booty



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, our town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 08:45:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5821912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jo_busch_got_booty/pseuds/Jo_busch_got_booty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens never realized when he was alive, but the living are running out of time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Realize When You're Alive

Laurens refused to back down. He died with that knowledge. He died knowing that he went down with honor, and while he would have preferred not to have gone down at all, he was glad it was with his men. The attack before, he had survived an ambush. Redcoats who thought it child’s play to drop the gentlemanly act to take down American forces hadn’t bested him, but this time, he wasn’t as lucky.

He fell from his horse, musket balls stuck in his body as if he were made of putty, and yet…

When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t met by the sun, but instead by the dim light of many lamps. The firing of cannons and guns had faded out to playful banter. John blinked at the familiarity of the situation. Mulligan stood beside him, Lafayette was one over, and right in front of him Alexander was watching him intently.

Lafayette and Mulligan whooped at something, and Alexander tipped his head back in laughter. Across the room, he caught Eliza watching them, smiling. He met her gaze, and then she turned back to Angelica. Laurens looked around, the edges of the room were fuzzy.

“Maybe you’ll be next,” Lafayette told John, clasping him on the shoulder. He snapped to attention. Had he said something?

“I’d say Mulligan is more likely to settle down first,” Alexander pitched in.

“Because he isn’t dead,” Laurens said suddenly. Surprisingly, the realization didn’t slap him in the face. And then, “Alexander, I’m married.”

“I’m more likely to get a girl first,” Mulligan corrected. “No one say anything about settling down just yet.”

“I never told you, I don’t know why… Why I didn't tell you.” John’s face was a ghostly pale. Someone handed him a full pint of beer. He hadn't been aware the one in his hand was empty.

“Oh, enough about you two and your inability to meet women who find you gentlemanly,” Lafayette cut in. “How about a toast, John?”

“A toast…” John repeated. “That’s right, I gave a toast, didn’t I? At your wedding, we were all messing around and—”

Lafayette and Mulligan raised their pints in the air, gleeful agreement on their faces. Their faces were all flushed, red from the alcohol and excitement. And Alexander… Alexander looked at them all with the adoration of a schoolboy. This was all painfully new to him.

“I may not live to see our glory!” Lafayette and Mulligan interrupted his thoughts.

“I said that,” John said. “Of course I said it, here I am.”

“But I will gladly join the fight!”

“I did. I mean, I fought. And I did what I wanted.” Lafayette and Mulligan kept going, Laurens tuned them out. He was painfully aware how little time he had here. Even now, he could see Aaron Burr outside the door, contemplating coming in, contemplating when he would cut their time short. Time was so short, he never realized that when he was alive. “I didn’t do enough, though. It wasn’t enough, Alexander. You’re running out of time. You all are.”

“If Alexander can get married!” Someone nudged him. Alexander rolled his eyes, but his smile didn't falter.

“My wife is pregnant, Alexander,” John said slowly, testing the words on his lips. “She sent me a letter, I’m never going to meet my child.”

“There’s hope for our ass after all!” Mulligan’s hand clasped John’s shoulder, and he flashed him a grin. Laurens was too busy staring at Alexander to shoot one back.

“Alexander, this is hardly wedding conversation, but I’m dead.” The joking went on around him, but this time John wasn’t paying attention. “There was so much I wanted to do, and I never got to do it. I wish— I wish I would have known I didn't have any more time, I would have done more.”

He saw Burr open the front door, and his voice sped up, high-pitched with urgency. “Alexander, you can do more,” he insisted. “You can do so much, I know you can.”

“Well, if it isn’t Aaron Burr, Sir.” Just like that, Alexander’s attention was drawn away. Laurens had forgotten how quickly Alexander had shifted, making room for Burr despite Aaron’s insistence to deny it. This could have been any memory. The room seemed fuzzier than it had been before. It was more diluted.

“Alex, please listen to me,” John insisted, even though he knew that this was a memory and nothing more. “You can’t stop, I know you can do so much. You were by my side when I needed you, you were there for Lee, and our essays, and I know you can fight for us. You can fight for me.”

“I see the whole gang is here.”

“You are the worst, Burr.”

Laurens reached out, gripping Hamilton’s shoulder with his hand. Alexander didn't even flinch. “You're the closest friend I have.”

Instead of looking up, Alexander continued his conversation with Burr, his back slightly turned to the group of friends beside him.

John said something, he must have, though he can't remember what it was, because Burr turned to him, his head snapping up. He’d struck a nerve.

“I should go.”

“No,” Alexander insisted, “these guys should go.” He waved John, Lafayette, and Mulligan. They let out complaints, though they were too alcohol induced to be thick with any actual emotion.

“Alexander,” John said one last time as he is herded away toward the murky edges of the room. “You have so much work to do.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the last act of Our Town by Thorton Wilder.


End file.
